You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
