Your tits are I can't wait for
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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