So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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