Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
