well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
