i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
