I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she peed on how many people?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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