i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
