Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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