I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize