there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
