John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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