I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Everclear isn't food dammit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
