I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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