hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
