Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
