U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize