I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
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