well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
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I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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