legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
