Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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