I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
