I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
