She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
