My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
