I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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