Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My hand turned me down
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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