PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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