You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
