I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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