you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize