Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
