He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
