So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
