She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
