i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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