I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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