so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
