That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
