just come out here and I will go home with you...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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