Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
high people should be assigned attendants
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
