After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
