Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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