You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
