Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
