im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
