So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
