I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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