if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
