My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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