If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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