oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Green mimosas i think yes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
