True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
