Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
