I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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