Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
