How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
