I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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