its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
