the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
