I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
