i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
