i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
