He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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