At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
