I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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