I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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