would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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